Liking People

I hate liking people.

Once you like someone everything they do has to reach the standards set inside your head. Once you like someone they can let you down. You spend all of your time wondering if they feel the same; if they want to talk to you as much or even just be in the same place as you. You want to know.

I’m scared to like people. I’m scared to be let down. I’m scared that they won’t feel the same or that I’ll annoy them.

I do like people though, and I do get let down. I still wonder if they think about me or if they feel the same. But the thing is, you can’t stop yourself from liking people. You just have to accept that it’s going to hurt a little. Maybe with the hurt comes love too.

Advertisements

Lies

Lies are words sewn by the mouth,
A string I cannot undo
The needle that threads them
Pierces my lips
And my mouth is closed
By you.

I’m doing too much, I really am.
Time management? More like constant rush hour.
I’m at that stage where I need to make plans, but no, I really can’t think of the future. I’m way too busy with thinking of how much potential I have that has not been made reality. Trying to be the best I can be, because average is really a chore. I can’t cope. I can’t do everything but I cannot not. Sleep has become rare and my emotions scattered. I don’t even think my sentences make sense…
I’m sorry for whatever ‘potential’ that never is made possible, I really am. I can’t choose what is next when I want to do it all. My ankle is weak, just like my head. Don’t question. My art is distorted, it is just figures with trains and paper bags and sorrow and dancing and all of those may also have potential. 
But is that all I can ever be? Just potential? Another average person in an average place trying so hard. I know it’s not hard enough. I will never be good enough. 

Too much to do, too much potential. 

Aside

What Inspires You?

My ‘Photography’ So Far This Year to Einaudi’s Primavera

Conversations That Lead To Pure Brilliance

Life Is SweetThis is what one of my friends produced in a quite depressing conversation at around midnight. I thought it was brilliant so I wanted to share.

 

I go through phases. I felt I’ve gone through a phase where I’ve wallowed in my own entertainment and denied anything that goes against it….now I’m starting to realise that it’s just a bit pointless. That’s what I stopped doing; denying anything that my mind thought about. Even though I know….deep down…it was right.

I’m noticing that it’s pointless to deny our innermost thoughts. Negativity or positivity isn’t the issue, the expression of the actual point and the opinion in itself is the main focus.

But if you try to simply define the categories and bound some to eligible and others to abolish then you are denying innermost thoughts.

(When asked about Tumbr)

Well, entertainment is enjoyable, though the pictures are usually flawed representations of emotional responses.

Though nothing isn’t flawed. Whether it’s music, pictures or people. We as humans cannot define perfection as we are limited to our sensual perceptions.

I write things from time to time. I find it difficult to speak my words…but privately with a piece of paper I just write things like that. When I finally move out I’m going to find clusters of thoughts from throughout my school life annotating…anything. Just bits of paper, describing my forgotten memories. It’s sad really.

But it’s how I keep myself sane.

When am I going to find someone like me, Anna? Everyone I know, sure I socialize. But there’s never been anyone, at any time that I’ve ever felt direct empathy to. I talk to people….sure. There’s a difference between listening and understanding. I’m not just talking about relationships, I’m talking about everything. It’s hard…

Wow. YOLO?

Well I haven’t written anything on here for a while…
But one thing I will bring up is how YOLO has now turned into a phrase that people are using badly. K. I have no idea how this happened but it’s funny to see different perspectives on this ‘quote’ as I referred to it as a motto to use your life wisely rather than the majority of people using it as a ‘slutty’ phrase or an excuse.
One of my friends said it as we were eating lunch and I was having a banana as they were all having chocolate snacks or the equivalent fattiness. I said how I like eating healthily and taking care of my body and she just went “YOLO!” and carried on eating. “You only live once” is no excuse to eat crap. Hence why I say this is being misused.
Sorry for the rant and not posting much. I’ve been working on a fiction story so my blogging isn’t up to scratch. So here’s a few pictures to try and make up for it 😉 (the ‘cool beans’ shirt I made and the one of my legs is mine, but the rest are random)

20120320-230234.jpg

20120320-230241.jpg

20120320-230259.jpg

20120320-230310.jpg

20120320-230323.jpg

20120320-230337.jpg

20120320-230357.jpg

Previous Older Entries