Lies

Lies are words sewn by the mouth,
A string I cannot undo
The needle that threads them
Pierces my lips
And my mouth is closed
By you.

I’m doing too much, I really am.
Time management? More like constant rush hour.
I’m at that stage where I need to make plans, but no, I really can’t think of the future. I’m way too busy with thinking of how much potential I have that has not been made reality. Trying to be the best I can be, because average is really a chore. I can’t cope. I can’t do everything but I cannot not. Sleep has become rare and my emotions scattered. I don’t even think my sentences make sense…
I’m sorry for whatever ‘potential’ that never is made possible, I really am. I can’t choose what is next when I want to do it all. My ankle is weak, just like my head. Don’t question. My art is distorted, it is just figures with trains and paper bags and sorrow and dancing and all of those may also have potential. 
But is that all I can ever be? Just potential? Another average person in an average place trying so hard. I know it’s not hard enough. I will never be good enough. 

Too much to do, too much potential. 

Aside

Why Do I Do This

I have done it again; I have put myself in a situation where I am tearing myself apart. The thing is, this time I don’t feel upset, I feel apathetic. I know I do wrong and I know what is right, but I object. I try to show other people they are wrong but then I end up doing what is wrong in my eyes. I haven’t done anything drastic, I’m not a bad girl. I just…why?
I have my ideal perfection and I just kill it off. One day I’m going to lose that and wonder why the hell I didn’t treat it with respect? Why do I just shrug off my love when I want it so badly? I am constantly pushing away the things I love, turning my life into a drag. A drag that seems to catch on everything I pass and it builds up until I break down.

Every time.

I know it’ll get better, I am not stupid… I just don’t understand myself at all.
SCREW TEENAGE YEARS! Ha ha ha. I am such a douche

Well HEY

I haven’t posted on here in a long time.

I have been good, then bad, then good, then wow. I have changed a lot. I just had to change my description from myself from “I have high hopes and an open mind- a better person in the making (:” because I hated it. What was I even thinking?
I am forever fighting now, but for good reasons. Fight those demons, right?
So yeah. I’M BACK, BABY.

What Inspires You?

My ‘Photography’ So Far This Year to Einaudi’s Primavera

Conversations That Lead To Pure Brilliance

Life Is SweetThis is what one of my friends produced in a quite depressing conversation at around midnight. I thought it was brilliant so I wanted to share.

 

I go through phases. I felt I’ve gone through a phase where I’ve wallowed in my own entertainment and denied anything that goes against it….now I’m starting to realise that it’s just a bit pointless. That’s what I stopped doing; denying anything that my mind thought about. Even though I know….deep down…it was right.

I’m noticing that it’s pointless to deny our innermost thoughts. Negativity or positivity isn’t the issue, the expression of the actual point and the opinion in itself is the main focus.

But if you try to simply define the categories and bound some to eligible and others to abolish then you are denying innermost thoughts.

(When asked about Tumbr)

Well, entertainment is enjoyable, though the pictures are usually flawed representations of emotional responses.

Though nothing isn’t flawed. Whether it’s music, pictures or people. We as humans cannot define perfection as we are limited to our sensual perceptions.

I write things from time to time. I find it difficult to speak my words…but privately with a piece of paper I just write things like that. When I finally move out I’m going to find clusters of thoughts from throughout my school life annotating…anything. Just bits of paper, describing my forgotten memories. It’s sad really.

But it’s how I keep myself sane.

When am I going to find someone like me, Anna? Everyone I know, sure I socialize. But there’s never been anyone, at any time that I’ve ever felt direct empathy to. I talk to people….sure. There’s a difference between listening and understanding. I’m not just talking about relationships, I’m talking about everything. It’s hard…

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries